No. 0112Conference hoodie
The airport
A stranger at gate B12 asked him to take a quick look at their Kubernetes cluster. He was wearing a hoodie from a booth he visited for the free coffee. He has never used Kubernetes.
Logo removal for premium tech swag
Keep the fleece. Lose the logo.
Tech companies keep handing out genuinely great clothes, then ruining every single one with a logo. Send us the vest. We take the logo off and send it back looking like you paid for it yourself.
Claim
check0417
check0417
- Item
- vest, M
- Remove
- synergAIze
- Ghost
- prob. yes
Keep thisNo. 0417
This vest currently says synergAIze. Prognosis: fixable.
Recently removed
synergAIze
Blockchain for Dogs
DataLakeHouseBoat
Formerly Crypto
Per My Last Email Capital
Agents of Agents
Yet Another Vector DB
Hyperscale Hyperscale
Web 3.5
Quarterly Vibes Inc.
Stealth Mode
Moonshot Moonshots
Our mission
You are not a billboard.
you're a person in a very nice vest
Unbranded exists to return premium apparel to its natural state: well made, warm, and affiliated with no one.
We believe a good quarter-zip should outlast the logo, the launch, and the company that printed it. So we remove the branding with care, return every garment with its dignity intact, and let you wear it as what it always was: a very nice vest.
Say less
Your chest has been talking for years. Let it rest.
Leave no trace
Not the logo, not the ghost, not the conference year.
Disrupt nothing
We're not a platform. We're a seam ripper.
Radical neutrality
No logos in, no logos out. Including ours.
Case files
Every vest has a past.
Situations reported at the counter. Names withheld. Logos also withheld.
No. 0187Merino quarter-zip
The rehearsal dinner
She wore a gorgeous merino quarter-zip to her brother's rehearsal dinner. It said SYNERGAIZE. The groom's uncle pitched her a seed round between courses.
No. 0203Founder hoodie
The pivot
His startup has pivoted four times and is now a completely different company. The hoodie still says the first name. It's the only one who remembers.
No. 0251Fleece vest
The exit
She left on great terms. The vest didn't get the memo. It still thinks it works there, and it keeps telling people.
9/10*
vests outlive the startup printed on them
11*
fleece vests in the average tech closet
$0*
paid for the nicest thing you own
*Figures sourced from vibes. Our research department is also unbranded.
The process
Four un-steps.
Every garment gets the same careful routine, whether it's a $300 rain shell or a hoodie from a hackathon you didn't finish.
-
Step 01
Unbox
Mail us your swag. Vests, quarter-zips, hoodies, puffers, and that very good rain shell from the 2019 offsite. No lanyards.
-
Step 02
Unpick
A trained Unbrander removes the logo stitch by stitch with a seam ripper, a magnifying lamp and a very steady hand.
-
Step 03
Unhaunt
Logos leave a ghost: a faint outline and a ring of needle holes. We steam, press and brush until it's gone.
-
Step 04
Unbothered
It comes home clean, anonymous, and looking like you paid for it yourself. Wear it anywhere. Represent no one.
The rack
What we unbrand
If it's well made and someone put a logo on it, it belongs on the rack. Hover or tap a garment to watch the logo go.
-
Fleece vest
The flagship. Standard issue at every all-hands since 2014.
DifficultyEmotional baggage -
Quarter-zip
Merino. Quarter zip. Full commitment to the quick sync.
DifficultyEmotional baggage -
Hoodie
Heavyweight, brushed inside, from a hackathon you didn't finish.
DifficultyEmotional baggage -
Puffer
Logo on the chest, the sleeve, and somehow the hood.
DifficultyEmotional baggage -
Rain shell
The good one. Taped seams. Logo heat-pressed with real conviction.
DifficultyEmotional baggage -
Beanie
One tiny woven label doing an enormous amount of work.
DifficultyEmotional baggage -
Backpack
Fourteen compartments. One was for a laptop you had to give back.
DifficultyEmotional baggage -
Tumbler
We laser off the logo. The dents stay. They're character.
DifficultyEmotional baggage -
Socks
Why were there logos on the socks.
DifficultyEmotional baggage
We do not accept
Lanyardsthrow it away
Stress ballssqueeze once, let go
Anything that lights up
Company tattoosasked twice
Size guide
All sizes measured in funding rounds.
- S
- SeedSnug. Like the runway.
- M
- Series BRoomy in the middle, like the org chart.
- L
- Late stageLots of layers. Hard to tell who's in charge.
- XL
- Post-IPORelaxed fit. Locked up for six months.
- XXL
- AcquiredFits someone else now.
ROI calculator · Return on invisibility
How much free advertising have you done?
Every day you wear a branded vest, strangers read a logo. Nobody pays you for it. We added it up.
Unpaid billboard statement
Bench 03 · Sep 25, 2026
- Logos in rotation
- 9
(you've worked at 2 of them)
- Days in branded swag
- 1,248
- Eyeballs per day
- 120
- Brand impressions
- 149,760
- CPM, vibes-adjusted
- $12.00
- Ad space you donated
- $1,797.12
- Paid to you
- $0.00
Balance owed to you$1,797.12
You are a highway billboard with legs.
That's 12 unbranded vests you could have bought yourself.
No logos · No refunds · Thank you for your service
Pricing
Pick a ticket.
Priced per garment. Every ticket includes return shipping in a plain box with nothing printed on it.
No. 01Claim check
The Quiet Quit
for the casually detached
$29per
garment
- Chest logo removed
- Ghost left in place (it's subtle, it's fine)
- Returned in a plain brown box
- No questions asked, none answered
01Keep this stub
Pick up whenever
Pick up whenever
No. 02Most popular
(probably)
(probably)
The Clean Break
a fresh start, same vest
$59per
garment
- Chest, sleeve and back-of-neck logos removed
- Full ghost exorcism: steamed, pressed, brushed
- Branded zipper pull swapped for a blank one
- Handwritten note that says “It's just a vest now.”
02Keep this stub
Ready in 4–6 weeks
Ready in 4–6 weeks
No. 03Claim check
Witness Protection
for garments with a past
$129per
garment
- Everything in the Clean Break
- Hem tags removed (“Sales Kickoff · Scottsdale”)
- All evidence of the conference year destroyed
- A new identity (it's still a vest)
- Certificate of Unbranding, suitable for framing
03Keep this stub
Tell no one
Tell no one
The Severance Special
Recently laid off? Unbrand ten or more pieces at 40% off. We're sorry. The vest is staying with you, and it looks great.
Enterprise
Unbranding the whole company before a rebrand? We do bulk orders. Email us. We will not hop on a call.
Add-ons
- Ghost insurance$4
- Emotional support steam$9
- Rush service Same speed. We just look stressed.$0
- Agentic mode Same service. We say “agentic” the whole time.$40
Reviews
Reviews from the garments.
5.0
100% recycled polyesterSize M
“For six years I said HYPERSCALE HYPERSCALE across my chest. Now I say nothing. It's the most myself I've ever felt.”
100% cotton canvasOne size
“There were thirty-seven of us in that closet. I'm the only one who made it out.”
100% merino woolSize S
“People used to ask her what the company does. Now they ask where she got me. She says ‘nowhere.’ It's thrilling.”
80% cotton · 20% regretSize XL
“I was a Blockchain for Dogs hoodie. I don't want to talk about it.”
90% down · 10% featherSize L
“They pressed out my ghost. I feel lighter. Technically I'm down one embroidered sparkle.”
100% nylon · fully tapedSize M
“Nobody at the airport asks him to reset their password anymore. We travel in peace.”
For investors · Unbranded AI
We're an AI company now.
Unbranded is the first AI-native, agentic, multimodal logo-removal platform. We orchestrate a swarm of autonomous seam-ripping agents on top of a proprietary Large Logo Model, with real-time inference at the edge. The edge of the vest.
Brand rules suspended for investors. Yes, that's The Gradient.
The Unbranded Stack™
- Human in the loopDale. He's typing.
- Agentic orchestration layerTravis, pointing at things.
- AI implementationJeff. He plugged Tim™ in. Tim™ does not plug in.
- Large Logo Model (LLM)Tim™, our mascot. Trained on 1.2 million logos. All of them removed.
- Autonomous agentsPriya and a seam ripper.
- Retrieval-Augmented Garment (RAG)We retrieve your garment. From the mailbox.
- Vector databaseA drawer of ghosts, indexed by vibe.
- ComputeOne iron. Steam-cooled.
Logos removed
Cumulative, by quarter. Up and to the right, as promised.See the numbers
| Quarter | Logos removed |
|---|---|
| Q1 2023 | 1,200 |
| Q2 2023 | 2,900 |
| Q3 2023 | 4,100 |
| Q4 2023 | 6,800 |
| Q1 2024 | 9,700 |
| Q2 2024 | 12,400 |
| Q3 2024 | 18,000 |
| Q4 2024 | 26,000 |
| Q1 2025 | 41,000 |
| Q2 2025 | 180,000 |
| Q3 2025 | 520,000 |
| Q4 2025 | 860,000 |
| Q1 2026 | 1,050,000 |
| Q2 2026 | 1,150,000 |
| Q3 2026 | 1,204,387 |
Tokens generated0We only remove things.
Hallucinations1/vestIt's the ghost. We press it out.
Addressable market∞Every vest ever made.
MoatLiteralIt goes around the farm.
Diligence
Investor glossary
What the words mean, in case anyone asks.- Agentic
- Someone is doing it. Usually Jeff.
- Orchestration
- A group chat with Travis in it.
- Inference
- Guessing where the logo was.
- Fine-tuning
- Ironing.
- Context window
- The chest. About four inches.
- Tokens
- Loose threads. We sweep them up.
- Hallucination
- The ghost. It says weird stuff.
- Guardrails
- The hanger.
- Latency
- The mail.
- Multimodal
- Vests and quarter-zips.
- Zero-shot
- We get one try. Don't send the vest twice.
- Alignment
- Making sure the zipper lines up.
Now raising
Series AI
- Raising
- Undisclosed. We forgot.
- Valuation
- $4 trillion, post-vibes
- Minimum check
- One vest
- Board seats
- None. We removed the board.
Backed by
- Per My Last Email Capital
- Vibes-Adjusted Capital
- Seed Round Robin
- Hockey Stick Hockey Stick
Our investors asked us to remove their logos. We didn't charge them.
The team
Meet the team.
We'd introduce ourselves, but we removed our name tags.
Employee of the monthNobodyFourth month running
Hellomy name is
Name scribbled out: Travis
Chief Unbranding Officer
Hasn't worn a logo since 2011. Won't say what happened in 2011.
Hellomy name is
Name scribbled out: Jeff
Business Ops & AI Implementation Specialist
Implemented our AI. It's Tim™. Automated every job in the building, including his own. Still comes in for the snacks.
Hellomy name is
Name scribbled out: Priya
Head of Seam Ripping
Can remove a chest logo in four minutes, a sleeve logo in nine, and a grudge never.
Hellomy name is
Name scribbled out: Marco
Ghost Whisperer, Steam & Press
Talks to every ghost before pressing it out. Says most of them were in sales.
Hellomy name is
Name scribbled out: Dale
Live Chat Specialist
Replies to every message within seconds. Has never answered a question. He's in the corner of your screen right now.
Hi. I'm Tim™.
Official mascotActual size: chest pocket
The mascot
Meet Tim™.
Every brand needs a mascot. Ours is the outline of a logo that isn't there. He's thrilled about it.
- Name
- Tim™. The ™ is silent.
- Species
- A missing logo.
- Likes
- Plain boxes, cold washes, quiet.
- Dislikes
- Lanyards, swag drops, tote bags.
- Catchphrase
- None. Catchphrases are branding.
- Day job
- Our AI, as of this morning. Jeff set him up.
- Don't put a logo on Tim™.
- Don't make Tim™ into a plushie.
- Don't ask Tim™ to dance at the booth.
- Do leave Tim™ alone. He loves that.
Aftercare
Where do the logos go?
To a farm upstate.
Every logo we remove is gently relocated to Unbranded Acres, a quiet farm upstate where logos can finally run free with other logos. There's plenty of space. Nobody tries to put them on anything.
You can't visit. It's better this way.
Residents: 1,204,387
Acreage: 40
Visiting hours: none
Dear Vest,
The farm is nice. I share a field with a blockchain and a houseboat. Nobody wears me. I've never been happier.
Please don't write back.
— synergAIze
0¢
The Fleece Vest, size MTop drawerYour closet
Recovered from the farm's outgoing mail. We don't forward.
Brand book
Guidelines for a brand that would rather you didn't.
Our entire identity fits on one page. We checked.
The Absence™
Our logo is the exact shape of the thing we removed from your vest. Don't stretch it, recolor it, or give it a drop shadow. Please don't put it on a vest.
Palette
Hanger White
#F2F3F7Night Shift Ink
#161B45Carbon Copy
#2E3AE6Seam Ripper
#EE3E2CClaim Canary
#FFE14FTicket Pink
#FFB8C9Ticket Mint
#BCE6CEThe Gradient
You know why.Borrowed from the alterations counter: carbon-copy blue, claim-ticket paper, and the little red ball on a seam ripper. None of them will ever appear on your vest.
Typefaces
AaAnybodyFor headlines. Stretches to fit whatever we're not saying.
AaInstrument SansFor explaining things calmly.
AaMartian MonoFor labels, receipts and care instructions.
AaReenie BeanieFor the person at the counter writing your ticket.
How we talk
Calm, polite, and slightly too serious about a vest. Short sentences. No exclamation points. We never raise our voice, because there's nothing on our chest to shout about.
We say
- It's just a nice vest.
- Plain box.
- Unbothered.
- Ready when it's ready.
We never say
- Synergy
- Swag drop
- Let's circle back
- Brand ambassador
Approved things to say out loud
- Keep the fleece. Lose the logo.
- You are not a billboard.
- Unpick. Unstitch. Unbothered.
- Make it look like you paid for it.
- All rights removed.
FAQ
Questions we get at the counter.
And a few we'd rather not get.
Is Unbranded a brand?
We'd prefer not to answer that.
Is Unbranded an AI company?
Yes, as of this morning. Our AI is Tim™, the mascot. The service hasn't changed at all. The deck got a lot longer.
What happens to the logos?
They go to a farm upstate. See above. Please stop asking.
Can you put a different logo on it?
No. That's a different company, and frankly a worse one.
How long does it take?
Four to six business weeks. Unbranding is a journey.
Will there be a ghost?
Sometimes. Removed embroidery can leave a faint outline and a ring of needle holes. The Clean Break and Witness Protection tickets include a full exorcism: steam, press, brush, repeat.
What if my company finds out?
Tell them you're reducing brand fatigue across your personal surface area. They'll love it. You may get promoted.
Do you sell merch?
We sell a blank tee for $95. It's just a t-shirt. It's a very good t-shirt. When people ask where it's from, you say “nowhere.”
Do you do rebrands?
We do the opposite. Rebrands are how we got here.
Can you unbrand my personality?
No. But the vest was a big part of it, so this is a strong start.
Is this real?
Your vest is real. Your feelings about the vest are real. Unbranded is a joke, for now. If you need a logo gone today, a seam ripper costs less than a sandwich.
Drop-off is open
Your vest has been through enough.
Get it a claim ticket. We'll take it from here, and we'll send it back with nothing to say.
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